The Critical Inquiry

I've been searching for a thousand ways to try to tell you how I feel right now. My emotions keep contradicting themselves and I try to find the logic for something. My heart and my mind don't always go together, you know? And yes, from a rational point of view, we don't have any problems. We are in love,right? What can be more fulfilling than that? Love takes it all, as long as it's there, the world is ours.
Well, unfortunately sometimes (and I know you know this very well, it's just self-reminding) we need to be present. I feel like for the past I don't-know-anymore-how-long has been incredibly intense, insanely beautiful. But giving oneself the privilege of experiencing such feelings is dangerous. Giving yourself the opportunity to feel too much lets room for confusing and yet no so insane thoughts, that maybe are not there, but hey! They could be.
So , at least I, end up looking for something I don't need, just because I don't have. Sometimes what you want is not what you need, and what you just got, you don't want it anymore. Sometimes we shouldn't be allowed to make so many decisions. Excuse me, maybe I shouldn't be allowed to have such control.
I do loose myself, and it freaks me out to feel dependent. It freaks me out not to be able to enjoy myself without you and I keep choosing to have what I don't want just because I can. You are my favorite thing in this world. You are my everything-too-pretty-to-put-in-words. But sometimes I push it too far. Such intensity is dangerous, its not healthy. And I don't want to drive you with me.
It's just a fall, you caught me, I'll keep falling, hopefully less hard each time. But you need to understand sometimes I loose my way.

At the end

She looked at it and smiled. It was green, just as she had always wanted it to be. Silver didn't shine as much as it used to, but besides that, it was pretty much as she remebered it.
47 years and 6 months ago. Some January afternoon, she recalled. She laughed at the fact that it suited her finger perfectly well now, it used to be big for her twenty one-year old hand.
She started remebering everything. All her fears, all the anguish in the morning, the midnight visit and the nightmares. All the secrets. The late nights, the excuses, the faith.
She turned around, hoping his eyes would meet her hand. They did, and so he smiled.
"Silly Girl"- he said.

Helpless

"Maybe I could fall in love..." - she careless thought, wandering if one could make that type of resolution.

Then she lifted her head, looking at the stranger with golden hair.

Her eyes rested on his.

She no longer had a choice.