There is no if...Just This

The storm

2011-04-19T23:13:00.002-04:00

You came knocking on my door,
and you waited for so long.
You sheltered me, and promised me the sky
the moon and the stars.

You held my hand every time I was scared
and told me there was nothing to be scared of.

You looked into my eyes,
and I saw myself.

You told me we knew this was meant to happen
and I felt so safe with you.

You asked for everything
and everything I had I gave it to you.
My love, my home, my time, my body.

And suddenly you said you didn't want these things anymore...

You said you had to figure out some stuff,
you had to go away.
And you left me alone in the rain...

You left me with all my feelings for you
you left me in the midst of a crucial moment in my life
you left me with all these love that became hate

You left me empty,
fractured,
disappointed,
betrayed.

And i see through you now.
I cant find the person I loved
I cant find the love in your eyes
just fear and cruelty.

I know one day it will go away.
You will disappear from my life and I will be happy.

But I will never ever forgive you for letting me go.
Because as much as I hate you, I know that you know,
and you know that I know that it was one of the best things
that could have happened to us.

You blame timing,
I blame you.
And its too soon to see that all your cruelty is part of you as well.
Because I still love you
and I still want you
but I must walk away.

I wish you didn't have my heart,
I wish you were out of my mind,
I wish you wouldn't have taken April with you.

Run Away II

2011-04-17T18:13:00.005-04:00

I want back the last three weeks of my life.
I want back all the messages I sent you.
I want back all the music I gave you, all the books I lent you.
I want back all the invitations I extended.
I want back all the kisses I gave you.
I want back the hand I gave you to hold.
I want back all the love.

And you,
you can take your insecurity.
You can take your selfishness,
your empty promises,
and all the pain and shitty mess you've caused.

Please, take it all and leave me alone.

You have left me in chaos
I have no clue where to run
and yet I will still run into you.

I cannot put my life on hold,
and I cannot hide the tears

So please please please disappear.

Where did all this come from?

2011-02-12T19:55:00.003-05:00

Too many options.
You can't handle it,
you couldn't possibly handle it.

Its our own fault,
yet we blame others.

When we don't know what we want,
how could we possibly understand,
or make a choice?

And people might get hurt,
we get hurt
and not a lot has meaning anymore.

I want it to stop.

There is still hope...

2011-02-05T14:44:00.005-05:00

The distractions of my distractions,
and the complications of my speculations
and I realize all I really need
is more things in my life in order to feel less.

Yet you are still you,
and there must be something else because
you are always the last one standing.
No distractions can erase you,
I can't ignore you, but just walk away.

And yet there is a glow in me today
and all i want to do is love you
and tell you it's over
while the music still plays
while you haven't really hurt me yet.

Reflections

2011-01-20T00:47:00.002-05:00

To be quicker and less engaged,
to record a fragment of an intense phase.

Changes keep coming, keep going
and I'm not surprised anymore.
I look forward to the new and the old
to the dessert and the unknown.

I saw you today, and I stared at you for so long
I was burning holes on the back of your red plaid shirt
and you never turned around.

We can go in different directions
the object of your affection may be somewhere else
but I don't need you for this journey
though I'd take a last rendez-vouz.

Why, why will I not give it a last chance?
How will I stop when I want to?
When does the decision stop being mine?
And why, why on earth are your lips not onto mine?

Disenchanted

2011-01-12T12:39:00.002-05:00

You said what I couldn't say,
And yet, I'm reluctant to agree with you.
nobody wants to be heartbroken,
and my life probably needs more metaphors.

I wish you were doing this out of self-defense
I'm still not sure who is leaving who and who already left.
There were some good times, but no love
and there is nothing I can give you anymore.

Maybe it's not about me,
maybe it's not even about you,
but you had the courage I didn't
and I wish you had spoken out sooner.

"I love with my heart and I hold it in my hands but you know my heart is not yours"

Do you remember the first time?

2010-12-04T22:10:00.004-05:00

Rapidly,
Daphne descends.
Within the fall, most of her secrets spill,
and the room becomes inhabited and empty in a matter of seconds.
The decisions are taken far too quickly, yet we have been talking about this forever.

I got what I wanted, everything I wanted,
and I must confess I'm not that impressed.
Let me rephrase, I got what I thought I wanted.
Now I miss you more than ever,
I realize that love is such a strange little monster
and we cannot handle it even for a second.

There is a strange power in independance
though its boundary to loneliness is a blurry one
yet I sleep better without you.

What did you think that would happen?

El ahogado

2010-07-23T21:26:00.003-04:00

El queria ser escritor. Una observacion que llega tarde, llena de desiluciones y confucion, de melancolias e ideas vencidas. Queria ser el mediador entre el mundo, el mundo y si mismo, eso es. Queria ser descubridor, observador, comunicador; todo empujado por la necesidad de vocalizar sus perspectivas y el narcisimo a ser leido. Las palabras corren por mis venas, se decia. Y despues de 27 anios, realmente no sabemos que corre por nuestras venas. Es la vocacion una necesidad immediata, absoluta, que se hace llamar sin permitir duda o arrepentimiento? Es como el amor, y ese ideal que a veces lo envuelve. El amor que el cree que arrasara con su alma y jamas presentara dudas. Pero mientras tanto, por 27 anios, hay que vivir, y hay que hacer elecciones. Y donde se dejan las elecciones tomadas, una vez que la pasion, la vocacion, el amor, o cualquier fuerza absoluta en la que nos dejaremos sumergir, arrive?

When I cannot say anything at all...

2010-07-13T02:11:00.002-04:00

"...he was bound to love you
when he heard you sing..."

How will I recognize it. Is this it? Are you him?
Every pore of my body breathes hope
and every thought fights against acknowledging that I'm here for me and not you.

It breaks my heart to remember you,
but mostly because I know that it ends there.

There is not plane-stopping,
not world chase,
no declaration of undying love.

And I need to let you go
because I'm not ready.

In the Dark

2010-05-02T00:24:00.003-04:00

On the Subway:

Me desquito.
Y despego tu piel de la mia,
porque no se diferenciar
entre el amor y la comodidad.

Duermo con los ojos abiertos
y la ansiedad en la boca
Te beso con los ojos cerrados
como si cada vez fuera la ultima.

No se tenerte, mantenerte,
acomodarte o disfrutarte.
Caminar al borde del vacio
no es una eleccion propia.

Mi vision se nubla
y el deseo toma control
"Dont ever leave me"
y la decision ya no es mia.

No puedo no involucrarme,
y no se involucrarme sin amor.
You should leave,
and make the choice for me.

Mis dias de primavera
estan nublados, sin sabor.
No quiero pedirte nada a cambio
pero a uno de los dos voy a traicionar.

Is it you,
is it me,
is this it?

When will my mind be blown?
Where is the love in your kiss?

You have been erased

2010-04-22T11:43:00.007-04:00

Every moment we shared does not belong to us anymore.
It has been lost in an emotional, technological disaster,
and I am not even sure I want to remember.

There are many accidental encounters
that constantly remind me why I left.

I dont need my pictures taken,
I smile next to someone else.
And in her green eyes I can tell
that you are going to disappoint her as well.

It's hard to acknowledge how much I loved you,
but it's the only way to let you go.
I forgive you

I love with my heart, and I hold it in my hands
but you know, my heart is not yours.

Trigger

2010-04-19T00:41:00.003-04:00

Do.not.do.this.to.yourself.

First days of Spring

2010-04-17T21:18:00.004-04:00

Now I know how it feels,
I hold my head on high because
I realize where I have arrived:
A place without you.

I wasn't scared,
and I felt ready
and I realized that I have it in me
to accomplish what I propose to myself.

It fells like the first time,
but then again, it was the first time.

And the awkwardness and familiarity,
the courage and excitement,
now i know exactly who you remind me of.

I hug myself and smile at your memory.

Blue skies

2010-04-16T01:17:00.002-04:00

This is the last song
that I write
while still in love with you

This is the last song
that I write
while you are even on my mind

Thinking about you

2010-04-08T02:41:00.002-04:00

Some days I forget about you
and I realize that you are there as a distraction
from my pain, my loneliness and my boredom.

I bury my head in work
and I like to think you are still within reach

But I dont want to dance alone anymore.

I want you to be the one who holds my hand
and I realize how much I need my hand to be held.

I dont want you to stay forever,
just keep me company for a while.

New beginnings

2010-03-31T21:56:00.001-04:00

In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up
When a doctor came to tell me, "Enough is enough"

He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted)
And told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear:
That there was nothing that I could do to save you
The choir's going to sing, and this thing is going to kill you
Something in my throat made my next words shake
And something in the wires made the lightbulbs break
There was glass inside my feet and raining down from the ceiling
It opened up the scars that had just finished healing
It tore apart the canyon running down your femur
(I thought that it was beautiful, it made me a believer)
And as it opened I could hear you howling from your room
But I hid out in the hall until the hurricane blew
When I reappeared and tried to give you something for the pain
You came to hating me again and just sang your refrain

You had a new dream, it was more like a nightmare
You were just a little kid, and they cut your hair
Then they stuck you in machines, you came so close to dying
They should have listened, they thought that you were lying
Daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up
Built the gears in your head, now he greases them up
And no one paid attention when you just stopped eating
"Eighty-seven pounds!" and this all bears repeating

Tell me when you think that we became so unhappy
Wearing silver rings with nobody clapping
When we moved here together we were so disappointed
Sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed
It killed me to see you getting always rejected
But I didn't mind the things you threw, the phones I deflected
I didn't mind you blaming me for your mistakes
I just held you in the door-frame through all of the earthquakes
But you packed up your clothes in that bag every night
And I would try to grab your ankles (what a pitiful sight)
But after over a year, I stopped trying to stop you
From stomping out that door
Coming back like you always do
Well no one's going to fix it for us, no one can
You say that, "No one's going to listen, and no one understands"

So there's no open doors and there's no way to get through
There's no other witnesses, just us two

There's two people living in one small room
From your two half-families tearing at you
Two ways to tell the story (no one worries)
Two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry
Two people talking inside your brain
Two people believing that I'm the one to blame
Two different voices coming out of your mouth
While I'm too cold to care and too sick to shout

Future Reflexions

2010-03-27T15:52:00.003-04:00

I stand in the middle of nowhere
trying hard not to let the wind blow me away

And you think it gets easier with time,
with practice,
with every rejection.

To hear your voice, to make you real
to give you, not a even a place in my life,
but a date in my week
is enough to give you the power to blow me away.

And im stronger than that.

Is it because we are too lonely,
or because we are too scared?

Where is my room for experimentation?

I just hope tomorrow Im still standing.

Pulpocities

2010-02-28T20:34:00.021-05:00

#1 Pencil Skirt
If you look under the bed,
then I can see my house from here,
so just lie against the wall,
and watch my conscience disappear now baby

#2 Cocaine socialism
"Do you want a line of this? / Are you a (sniff) / socialist?"

#3 Babies
"I know you won't believe it's true but I only went with her because she looks like you".

#4 Pink Glove
Yeah it's too long ago,
shouldn't care anymore but I wanted to know;
is it as good as before?

#5 His'n Hers
"I'm gonna wipe you down and lick the smile off your face"

#5.5
"I'm frightened of Belgian chocolates / I'm frightened of pot pourri
I'm frightened of James Dean posters
I'm frightened of twenty-six inch screens / I'm frightened of remote control
I'm frightened of endowment plans / I'm frightened of figurines
I'm frightened of evenings in the Brincliffe Oaks searching for a conversation."

#6 TV Movie
Without you my life has become a hangover without end.

#7 Bar Italia
If we get through this alive, I'll meet you next week same place same time.

#8 Glory Days
Yeah we'd love to hear your story
just as long as it tells us where we are -
that where we are is where we're meant to be.
Oh come on! make it up yourself -
you don't need anybody else.

#9 Seconds
But you are so perfect you dont interest me at all.

#9.5
In the morning is raining
Oh Christ you are always complaining
Can't you think of something else?

#10
Can I have my balls back, please?"

#11 This is Hardcore
This is Hardcore,This is me on top of you

#12 Do you remember the first time?
I dont care if you screw him, as long as you save a piece for me

#13 Common People

You want to sleep with common people? You want to sleep with common people like me?

#14 Lipgloss
You've lost your lipgloss, Honey
Now nothing you do can turn him on,
there's something wrong.
You had it once but now it's gone.

#15 Something Changed
When we woke up that morning we had no way of knowing, that in a matter of hours we'd change the way we were going. Where would I be now if we'd never met? Would I be singing this song to someone else instead?

#16 Do you remember the first time?
Do you remember the first time?
I can't remember a worse time

#17 Dishes
I am not Jesus though I have the same initials

#18 Underwear
If fashion was your trade/Then when you're naked/I guess you must be unemployed, yeah."

#19 Common People
I said pretend you've got no money,
she just laughed and said,
"Oh you're so funny."
I said "yeah?
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here

#20 Like a friend
Come on and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend

#20.5
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Let me tell you now: it's lucky for you that we're friends.

#21 Cocaine Socialism
Yeah, you can be just what you want to be
Just as long as you don't try to compete with me

Encore

I never said I was deep

And if every relationship is a two-way street, I have been screwing in the back whilst you drive
I never said I was deep, but I am profoundly shallow
My lack of knowledge is vast, and my horizons are narrow

Lefovers

'Cause I told you once
And then I told you twice
And now I told you three times
And at the risk of repeating myself
I'm gonna say it again

Yeah
I wanna be your lover

Run away

2010-02-21T23:49:00.003-05:00

I want back the last 3 years of my life.
I want back the message I sent you
I want back the invitation I extended
I want back the kiss I gave you
I want back the hand you held
I want back the words I wasted explaining things to you
I want back the pain I caused
I want back the security I gave you
I want back the million times a day you appear in my thoughts
I want back all the miles I run angry at you.

I'll take the pain
I'll take the loneliness

What I cannot take is the confusion,
the waiting, the regret,

or the idea of replacing you.

Unexpected

2009-12-27T11:58:00.003-05:00

Do we desire things we didn't even know?
Or its just life happening to you?
We are left with no choices,
and when things make a turn for the worse,
we have no one to blame.

I didn't chose you.
I didn't even want you
and still you rejected me.

I shouldn't even be talking about you.
Because i can't cross the line between telling you I liked it
and how unnecessary you are in my life.

I dont know where my head rest.
Should I make the decision to let go?
Or let things happen in their natural course?

Obsession
Manipulation
Expectations

I dont ask for much,
but for what I want,
Im sure I can get it from someone much less complicated.

Stop.Think.Run

2009-11-21T21:33:00.003-05:00

I don't want your sympathy
I don't want to hold your hand

Neither end of the rope is working for me right now
I cannot have you
and I'm not even sure I want you

And you cannot get close because you want me
and I feel used over and over

Grow up
You are not that interesting to chase
You are not even safe
and I'm getting tired

Its time to let go
and you are going to get lost in between

No, I don't think you need me
but it wont be easy

I have to get out.
I'm unhappy and betrayed
You go about your things your own way
I don't feel sorry to stick around.

Its time to let go
and I might be lost as well,
but I'm sure it will be better than this.

Differences

2009-11-12T23:25:00.004-05:00

Tell me it's not the same
If I'm here or not
If it's over, or if we go on and on

Tell me you want it
bad enough to change a piece of yourself
to give into your own weaknesses
to turn around and finally face me

Tell me I'm not wrong
and will not wake up realizing it never was

I dont expect much from you
just a little company here and there

Tell me you want me too.

2009-11-10T12:31:00.002-05:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I disapear

2009-11-09T19:17:00.002-05:00

The morning is the most honest time of the day,
All the fantasies are gone and we remain with a vague sense of adventure

I open my eyes and you are gone
You always slip through my hands like water

You've got me writing, you've got me spinning
you've got me dizzy, you drive me crazy!

I tell myself the most despicable stories
I pretend I dont notice, I pretend to drown in my own work

But you are gone now, I know that.

I just can't keep looking back

O.MY.HEART

2009-11-08T20:35:00.003-05:00

I can't stand it
I hate to like it
The way you touched my body
The way I don't complain

The way your hair moves
and you grab my hand to dance
The way you smile

I hate you
I hate that you are sometimes right
I hate that I wanna have you
despite all the inconveniences and impossibilities

I hate to want you so badly today.

Running

2009-11-03T17:13:00.003-05:00

I push you away, as Beethoven fills my ears

my mind navigates in a mist

and I don't belong to this world

but to the forest.

I'm light, as the thin air that rises my body from the ground

I close my eyes, and let the music fill my soul

and in the clear, nothing can touch me anymore.

I rise and rise, enchanted by the whispers

and I don't feel anything anymore.

The notes dance and twinkle around me

Its my favourite place.

No more

2009-11-03T12:13:00.004-05:00

I figured I had something to say, but Im not so sure anymore.

Every morning, its a constant battle to fight you out of my head, both of you.

One makes me angry and passionate, the other tender and small.

I dont love anyone, no I dont love anyone.

(As I say this, I break down and cry)

No, I dont love anyone....

2009-11-02T12:47:00.003-05:00

Dear S.,
Happy belated birthday. Who would have though when this all started that we would find ourselves, alone, on an Au tum morning surrounded by the cold air and silence? I miss you. You know I have for a while. We like to blame others and tend to see them as obstacles into our friendship. All the effort and dedication you put into them makes me feel left aside, but only when Im alone enough to realize it. I miss your laughter and your songs. I know what they say about us, but I miss you still. He has got nothing on us. He has got nothing. And he will never read me again.

I know how you feel, and how you think he is the answer. I understand the longing and the loneliness, the tears and the nostalgia. But before you do anything stupid, I must remind you. Before you put him in the place you want so desperately anyone to take, I must warn you. You do this all the time S. You've done it F,L and C. This one does not deserve it, not even a slight consideration. Because you need so desperately to believe someone can fill that place, that your expectations not only crush, but never become fully real. You need to stop looking for the piece that fits. Its a beautiful place to offer someone but it implies too much, too many things you are not and you don't believe. So take him out, erase him, and find a new spot for me, your most neglected love.

Find me a place, for I will never betray you.
S.

Here we go again

2009-11-01T16:54:00.004-05:00

Head against the wall
arms behind my back
you tie them harder every time
and I can barely breath

Its anger, longing and desperation
the rejection runs through my system
only to drive me harder towards you

I fail to resist you
I refuse to acknowledge your words

And I do it to myself,
every time I chose the lie
every day I let them go

Because reality is cruel,
and you only exist in my head
and the briefs manifestations
that I might be that person that takes control
is only to fool me once again into thinking I know me

Because what I want and what I can handle
are two different things

and no matter how I try to break away from me
its only the pain you find in the end.

I wish I had never met you
I wish I had never met you
I wish I had never met you

and then the loneliness might not be so painful
and ignorance and content would take over.

Forgive me, for I don't know how to handle you
Forgive me, for the confusion, projection and expectations
Forgive me, if I don't know how to give anymore

For I am lost in my own storm,,
and my dreams are drowning
and my fears take over
and I just might not be anymore...

Multiple Choices

2009-04-21T17:13:00.004-04:00

Is it in the lack of imagination,
rootless desperation
or simple suffocation
that my sadness resides?

The loneliness travels through the air
and an imaginary memory goes a thousand miles.

The distance between my heart and yours is infinite
But i refuse to believe I lost control.

It's in the patterns honey,
It's in the circles we trace
It's in the million faces you take
It's in my conviction that what I need is you.

Fair is to say that alter egos don't exist,
this is only between you and I,
and the million characters I take to represent you
and the smile on your face when you think I talk about you
and the different triggers that rush through my body
when I realize I might never have you.

It is the eternal search for
love
lust
provocations
desire
desperation

and the refusal to settle for anything less.

Of moons and monsters in the City

2009-04-10T00:32:00.003-04:00

I never understood certaing decisions I've made and their outcome.
I barely question them anymore, but try to live with my present.

I am now uncertain of my lack of regret
and I wonder if we work in patterns.

You were not at my doorsteps tonight,
and I know half of our romance is in the imagination of someone else.

But I wonder, boy do I wonder!
What is it in Me that makes You,
and gives you a place that you do not wish to have.

No, this is not about you.
It's about me.

Heart Break

2009-03-21T15:56:00.003-04:00

As you may know by now,
I am a vault digger, dream chaser, memory surfer.

And a calculated blow to the head might erase you
but I miss my place

Today I need to be read
So i call out for you to tell you
that I'm scared.

"And I'm sure you know me well,
as Im sure you dont...
But you just can't tell
who you'll love and who you wont"

This is your time to pretend...

We could be heroes

2008-12-09T01:55:00.004-05:00

I wake up and the world is bright
You are not in my window any longer
but then again
I ask the question that doesn't matter anyway

I won! I won! Just another carousel ride
Nothing is simpler, or clearer,
we just spin longer.

She opened my eyes
or maybe just opened a dream
"It's not the fact, but the possibility"- I say

Now we start over.

We are so far away

2008-10-06T01:12:00.005-04:00

There is no time to dwell
But the world is catching up on me
and I am so weary

He whistled all night long
and made me smile for a while
but I need you closer
and I sleep in an empty room

And I try so hard to find something else,
to keep my mind busy with he things I know
but nostalgia is hard to get rid of.

This is nothing like I thought it would be,
because we should be proud of what we've become,
and I miss the idea of you.

I dont want to crash

Take it or leave it

2007-04-23T19:02:00.000-04:00

You make me remember those times
You make go where I though I couldn't be anymore

You drag me to the the place I don't exist
and blame me for the choice I never made

Take me now, or whatever is left of me
For tomorrow I will mutate into a caterpillar.

Someday the time will be mine to exists again
in the meantime, there is nothing else left.

"Its not that we are scared, it's just that it's delicate"

Left behind

2007-04-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

We run in circles
we miss each other every time
we give up

We run towards the light
the paradise that we have lost
and once we get outside,
the light shines behind us

I keep trying to be something im not
But what if that's my true nature?
Selfish, selfish selfish.
I'm not only human, I devour.

And nothing satisfies me anymore
No one can tell me where to go
I am lost, and no one can reach me
nothing can touch me

I just want to be this girl that I used to be...

The Last Time

2007-01-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

Do you remember the first time?
Do you remember the last time?
All the places where we've been

I look around and its empty
There are no streetlights anymore
And I sing and old song

And when I close my eyes
I realize I lost you
I let you go too easily
And I hate myself

I want to live my life with my eyes open again

I dont live here anymore

2006-08-17T12:40:00.000-04:00

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here
.We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. What have you found?
The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

Please, carry on

2006-08-15T02:07:00.000-04:00

-"Keep it spinning, but do it fast
don't you let them know what's coming after them."

Whatever you say, what you should fear is not what's coming after you.
You are coming after yourself, and so are they.

Time repeats itself in a straight line
and I fear that I'm a repetition of the million things that went wrong before.

I want to believe that if I say enough he'll listen
but I don't want to hope out of fear.

I want to know that I can understand what is not in my nature
and accept it. Learn it

I want to have the ideals that once brought us together

There is no war between us, the world is far to big
and I'd like to believe you would hold me if I cry

We are not important

Now I trust you

Sometimes we get what we ask for

2006-07-26T16:40:00.000-04:00

Failing

2006-07-23T03:52:00.000-04:00

Some summer mornings
little thoughts come uninvited,
they pop out of nowhere to remind me
of things we've done.

Do you remember...?- he said
and then we realize we live in the past
It becomes the constant in our future
what ties us together forever
and what keeps our imaginations alive.

We feed from old memories
failing to create new ones

We feed from nostalgia

We feed from something we are not anymore.

Wondering

2006-07-21T21:08:00.000-04:00

Somehow I knew I was right about Mr. Dylan
His charismatic depressive ballads should not be taken seriously.

But what if not this, then guides me?
don't be confused, it does not define us
but it certainly leave us wondering

I think you should always question
but still, never stop hoping
We gave up a long time ago...
But still

You should never leave me

Bob Dylan me entristece

2006-01-16T18:22:00.000-05:00

No te puedo pedir mucho
ya te mostre demasiado
y me expuse demasiado

Y a veces es tan dificil integrarse
en lo que se supone que uno debe integrarse

Y pedirte
lo que no me podes dar

Solo te pido que hagamos
lo unico que sabemos hacer bien.

"It ain't me what you are looking for, babe"

The White Tomb

2005-08-27T18:20:00.000-04:00

We could be stupid and cry in vain.
Or we could be human with a formidable imagination and sense of involvement.

Venus in Furs- The Velvet Underground

"I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears"

Conclusiones I

2005-08-26T15:06:00.000-04:00

Tengo tantas cartas no terminadas para darte.
Pero ultimamente mi inspiracion viene fragmentada. (Horcruxes)

Ayer recordaba asombrada esa extrania sensacion de encontrarte frente a alguien y verte reflejado. Y tal vez, esa persona escuche el mismo disco que vos en ese momento.

Sera por eso nuestro odio consecuente de la dependecia mutua, y esa irresitible atraccion de saber que hay alguien que te adora por sus semejanzas con el mismo; entonces nuestro propio narcisismo nos condena.

Falta de...

2005-08-23T23:39:00.000-04:00

Es la ciudad de nadie,
donde nadie pertence
y los suspiros se refieren a tiempos anteriores.

Es el infinito camino lineal,
donde el futuro es circular e incierto
donde se avanza en cualquier direccion
donde avanzar no es crecer.

Es la torre de papel,
donde vos no escribis y donde yo suenio
donde la realidad se vuela con el viento
y yo me encierro.

Es el suenio de todos
la realidad de nadie

Yo anhelo que alguien me deje abanicar
yo quiero un lenguaje mucho mas corporal

Las distancias se vuelven caidas
y las caidas, rutina.

Es la ciudad donde nadie existe
pero todos estan
(menos vos).

To erase you

2005-07-23T20:30:00.000-04:00

I am truly confused.

The end of reality is near, and every day there are less and less things I can count on as true.
You'd tell me that there is no truth. And I would believe you, like I've always had.

I am (or at least someone in me is) so profoundly devoted to your philosophy, and not.
I believe in you, or in something. I cannot really place your face anymore. I don't remember your name.
And you are so far away.

Parallel to whatever I think, you are. And I have never been so sure that something existed as I am about you. But I might be wrong, you'd said. No. Not as far as I will decide my own reality and die in the labyrinths of my madness.

Juliet

2005-07-23T18:18:00.000-04:00

I`m still here, like the rest of the world.
We kept it quiet, low...like a whisper.
You never know when we might strike back.

I`ve been abandoned, and not.
I`ve been replaced, and forever cheered.
For some..Im not enough. Or nothing.

I became the illusion of their desires,
the light that would shine when they would make up their minds and open their windows.
But I`m still here, waiting for nobody.

Don`t be surprised.
My existence is more than mere words, songs and pictures.
Everything everyone created about me is theirs, for I am not.

Enjoy then, the light that reflects on you, for is not me.

ROMEO AND JULIET- DIRE STRAITS
"a lovestruck romeo sings the streets a serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

juliet says hey it`s romeo you nearly gave me a heart attack
he`s underneath the window she`s singing hey la my boyfriend`s back
you shoudn`t come around here singing up at people like that
anyway what you gonna do about it?

juliet the dice were loaded from the start
and I bet and you exploded in my heart
and I forget I forget the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong juliet?.."

Ode to the things I can't control

2005-03-16T01:07:00.000-05:00

Hail to time,
a preconceived concept that deals with relative senses to exist.

Fuck my other me for not remembering

Regret to the night the words slipped out of my mouth

Regret every time I doubt it

Go.back.change.it.face.it.now

No, maybe another day

Secrets II

2005-03-13T23:57:00.000-05:00

You wake up and sing a song.
Your window shows summer.

I wake up and sing a song.
My window is covered in snow.

You sing my song.
I miss your window.

The song that nobody else knows.

You left me flowers in my window, but I was just dreaming.
I went and knocked on your door, but I did it too many times.

Now my window is empty
Now you don't sing a song

Every morning we wake up in silence.

Secrets

2005-03-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

"Why are you so far away- she said
why wont you ever know that I'm in love with you".

sometimes we wonder if it was what we felt it was.
sometimes I wonder if I knew what I was doing.
Of course not!

But sometimes, someone may come and wisper in your ear:
"I never told you, but you know that time, when u said you liked me....well, I was in love with you".

And you just die.

The Critical Inquiry

2005-02-13T02:35:00.000-05:00

I've been searching for a thousand ways to try to tell you how I feel right now. My emotions keep contradicting themselves and I try to find the logic for something. My heart and my mind don't always go together, you know? And yes, from a rational point of view, we don't have any problems. We are in love,right? What can be more fulfilling than that? Love takes it all, as long as it's there, the world is ours.
Well, unfortunately sometimes (and I know you know this very well, it's just self-reminding) we need to be present. I feel like for the past I don't-know-anymore-how-long has been incredibly intense, insanely beautiful. But giving oneself the privilege of experiencing such feelings is dangerous. Giving yourself the opportunity to feel too much lets room for confusing and yet no so insane thoughts, that maybe are not there, but hey! They could be.
So , at least I, end up looking for something I don't need, just because I don't have. Sometimes what you want is not what you need, and what you just got, you don't want it anymore. Sometimes we shouldn't be allowed to make so many decisions. Excuse me, maybe I shouldn't be allowed to have such control.
I do loose myself, and it freaks me out to feel dependent. It freaks me out not to be able to enjoy myself without you and I keep choosing to have what I don't want just because I can. You are my favorite thing in this world. You are my everything-too-pretty-to-put-in-words. But sometimes I push it too far. Such intensity is dangerous, its not healthy. And I don't want to drive you with me.
It's just a fall, you caught me, I'll keep falling, hopefully less hard each time. But you need to understand sometimes I loose my way.

At the end

2005-02-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

She looked at it and smiled. It was green, just as she had always wanted it to be. Silver didn't shine as much as it used to, but besides that, it was pretty much as she remebered it.
47 years and 6 months ago. Some January afternoon, she recalled. She laughed at the fact that it suited her finger perfectly well now, it used to be big for her twenty one-year old hand.
She started remebering everything. All her fears, all the anguish in the morning, the midnight visit and the nightmares. All the secrets. The late nights, the excuses, the faith.
She turned around, hoping his eyes would meet her hand. They did, and so he smiled.
"Silly Girl"- he said.

Helpless

2005-02-08T13:31:00.000-05:00

"Maybe I could fall in love..." - she careless thought, wandering if one could make that type of resolution.

Then she lifted her head, looking at the stranger with golden hair.

Her eyes rested on his.

She no longer had a choice.

2005-01-07T14:36:00.000-05:00

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday wednesday stay in bed
Or thursday watch the walls instead
It`s friday i`m in love

And it's Saturday that my love comes back...
It's Sunday I dissapear.

It's not poetic being sad

2004-12-30T22:26:00.000-05:00

I'd like to think that my world is wider
That everything I believe in is not just a mere fantasy
I wanna know that someday I'll be who i want to be
I wanna know that someday I'll do what I say

I lost myself again
I stopped believing in me
The fields where I used to run are full of rain and fog
The dreams I used to dream are darker and further

I used to love what I do
I used to love being me
Now I don't know where I belong
And I don't love anymore

I lost my passion
my presence
my whole point of view

Everything hurts
everyone hurts

I wish you were the reason
I wish you absence was the reason
But i hate depending on you
I'd rather be sad because of me.

Dreaming

2004-12-19T15:17:00.000-05:00

It's like running in circles,
Every night I have the same dream
You and I in a different city
Somewhere far, out of reach

Play,
play some more
the music hasn't filled my ears yet

Hold me tight
and make out with me in the middle of the night

Let love fade away in your hands,
let the world end while we are sleeping,
Kiss me some more, keep playing
everything will be gone by the time we wake up.

Midnight Radio

2004-12-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

"Rain falls hard
Burns dry
A dream
Or a song
That hits you so hard
Filling you up
And suddenly gone

Breathe
feel love
Give free
Know in your soul
Like your blood knows the way
From your heart to your brain
Knows that you're whole

And you're shining
Like the brightest star
A transmission
On the midnight radio
And you're spinning
Like a 45
Ballerina
Dancing to your rock and roll"

Me

2004-12-14T13:40:00.000-05:00

Feel me up
Let the bubbles run to your head
Don't be afraid

It's me and me,
and always me
It's you and you
and sometimes me

Your lips turn cold and Im not here
My body screams for a new type of drug

I know you need me
I know you love me well

I miss the night we slept together
I'm wishing for the night we'll do it again

It's me and me
and always me
It's you and you
and everything you mean

The fucking things you say to me
the way you taught me how to live
The person who you make me want to be
The alcohol in my blood has increased

It's me and me
and always me
It's you and you
and now it's us.

Let me go

2004-12-12T13:10:00.000-05:00

You had it
you lost it
don't cry over it now

Time told we were not meant to be
You see what you want to see
It was what it had to be

Don't keep pushing
You're not only going to make me hate you
But you are also going to ruin what we had

Keep it that way
there's no more to say
now is the other way around

You don't grow feeling your fears
you don't acquire desire from regret
You should respect the choices you've made

And now there's nothing
nothing is and nothing was
we are just people who feel like strangers

Nothing relates us now
nothing but the feeling
that we once wanted to be together
I don't look at the past
Im not longer who I was
You are not longer mine
so please, let me go.

Let's go run outside

2004-12-11T19:50:00.000-05:00

Hold mi hand
and take me outside
where the light can still touch us

Fill my glass with wine
and drag me under the table
promise we'll be here next time the world ends

I look around
and I loose you
the rest of the universe spins faster than my pulse

And I faint
fearing to come back
and see you gone

If we make it through this alive
I'll meet you next year
same place, same time

Anything else

2004-12-11T19:21:00.000-05:00

I...am speechless
I...can't tell anymore if I wanna live or die
It's so overwhelming

You make me feel
like I should not be anything else

You let me be
and see
and say
and do

You love who i am
and who i want to be

I couldn't ask for anything else
I'll stop the world and melt

Love and Hate

2004-12-10T19:29:00.000-05:00

I love your lips
And I love your legs
I love your eyes
Baby you got style
I love your clothes
And I love your smile

I love you I love you I love you while
You don't even look at me
And I go crazy
For all the women that I never had
I sing my song of Love & Hate

I hate the boys
Walkin' by your side
I hate my dreams
They're not satisfied
I hate me, babe, for being too shy

I hate you I hate you I hate you while
You don't even look at me
And I go crazy
For all the women that I never had
I sing my song

You neighbour's sweetheart
You magazin girl
You striptease bird
From the underworld
You sweet sixteen
You little dames
You late thirties
Sweet japaneses
Ornella Muti
Si jolie mademoiselle
Vous etes ma folie
Vous etes si belles

For all the womenThat I never had
I sing my song of Love & Hate

I love your body
Baby you got style
You fly so high
When you're passin' by
It makes me laugh
And it makes me cry
Makes me want to die
When there's no reason why

For all the women That I never had
I sing my song of Love & Hate

Me veras volar en la ciudad de la furia

2004-12-10T01:13:00.000-05:00

I feel, like everybody else
I sing and cry
What makes you think you are so special?

You are unique, as everybody else
You live and die
What makes you think I will choose you?

I see through you
I miss you sometimes
But that doesn't stop me from living

You left
I cried

What makes you think I'll choose you again?

John told me to let it Be

2004-12-07T20:23:00.000-05:00

Well, there's nothing else
and there's nothing better
Those are my conclusions so far

But I think you also
can't pretend to be in control all the time
you have to let it be.

And it might not be what you want
or it might
but you don't wanna be living a lie
you don't wanna wake up every morning satisfied
because people do what you want them to do
it would be a world without interaction

Im sick

There's nothing else out there

2004-12-03T20:47:00.000-05:00

There's a Hedwig song I've always loved:
"You think that luck has left you there
But maybe there's nothing up in the sky but air
and there's no mystical design
no cosmic lover pre assigned
there's nothing you can find
that cannot be found

cause with all the changes you've been through
it seems the stranger is always you
alone again in some new wicked little town

And when you've got no other choice
you know you can follow my voice
through the dark turns and noise of this little wicked town..."

So what if there's no more?
There's no one else to blame.
And the choices you've made get you to where you are
Who will you scream for to get you out of the dark?

Hedwig believed that we had been cut in half, separated from our other half, our soulmate. And life was the search of that part in order to be complete. But I don't.

Life would be pointless if it was dedicated to something else. We have no security that there's a point in it all. So why give it all away thinking we will not be complete until we find that other half? We are what we are, complete in ourselves. And , to the risk of sounding selfish, we matter the most. We are alone, and always will be. To decide to share our existence with some else is another thing.

But it's a decision,not a need.

Fuck the World

2004-12-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

I hate it when people judge you
If you feel it right, there's no more to say.
There should be no holding back
no listening to their opinions

Things are the way they are
not what they are supposed to be

And if you can live with that
If you can enjoy them fully
there's no more for anyone to say

Sing your life

2004-12-01T23:21:00.000-05:00

And now I sing
There's music in the room
but no one listens

You breathe in, breath out
try to find the courage to get through the door
Your whole body illuminates again
and you shine throughout the dark surface

You come back
and I keep singing

Unconsciousness

2004-11-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

It's so hard when everything you do is not understood.
It's so sad when everything you say it's not approved.
It hurts every time they confuse you with others and blame you.
It's impossible to stand sharing the same place.

Imaginary love

2004-11-28T01:45:00.000-05:00

"Beautiful, you're beautiful,

as beautiful as the sky

Wonderful, it's wonderful,

to know that you're just like I

And I'm sure you know me well,

as I'm sure you don't

But you just can't tell

Who'll you love and who you won't

Don't let your life wrap up around you

Don't forget to call, whenever

I'll be here just waiting for you

I'll be under your stars forever

Neither here nor there just right beside you..."

Don't bring me down

2004-11-26T18:41:00.000-05:00

I thought it was over.
I guess it will never be. The past keeps dragin me to him, and last night I knew it'd be forever.
Forever! Exactly what I try to avoid. But i will always belong somehow to him and he will always be mine, thought we will never be together. It's a funny thing how we have to accept certain things. I could let him go ( or at least I like to think that) but I won't. He's too beautiful.
He hurts, I hurt. We compete and drag each other to misery. But somehow we understand each other so well that we are soulmates. But we dont complement, we are too much of the same. And the attraction that this brings, also makes us compete all the time.
It's funny, once you accept how things are, feel so helpless.
But as long as our mind is healthy, we can live with beauty and pain.

There is...something

2004-11-25T23:15:00.000-05:00

Robert Sings:
Remember the first time I told you I love you
It was raining hard and you never heard
You sneezed! and I had to say it over
I said `I love you` I said...you didn`t say a word
Just held your hands to my shining eyes
And I watched as the rain ran through your fingers
Held your hands to my shining eyes
and smiled as you kissed me

"If you die," you said, "so do I" you said...
And it starts the day you make the sign
"Tell me I`m forever yours and you`re forever mine Forever mine..."

"If you die," you said, "so do I" you said...
And it starts the day you cross that line
"Swear I will always be yours and you`ll always be mine
You`ll always be mine Always be mine..."

Remember the last time I told you I love you
It was warm and safe in a perfect world
You yawned and I had tos ay it over
I said `I love you`I said...you didn`t say a word
Just held your hands to your shining eyes
And I watched as the tears ran through your fingers
Held your hands to your shining eyes and cried
"If you die," you said, "so do I" you said...
But it ends the day you see how it is
There is no always forever... Just this...

And I think, it might not be the safest way.
We all fear, not the lack of happines, but the end of it.
There is nothing worse that to loose rather than not to have.
And we take a deep breath and hope it lasts forever.

But if you stop thinking about the fuckin tomorrow,
if you stop hoping nothing will ever change,
you could instead open your eyes and see what you have
and as long as you live through it
as long as you embrace it
and love it
now
if it fades,
it could never truly leave you.

Opening Times

2004-11-24T17:41:00.000-05:00

It's like waking up because the sun hits your eyes.

It's like not remembering that light exists, and suddenly rediscover it.

We've been living in the shadows too long,

in a space getting dimmer and dimmer

and you don't even notice anymore.

So when the light hits your eyes, you're amazed.

How could you forget it? How could you go back to the shadows?

We are going back, we will fall again,

but right now you hold on as tight as you can to your new world,

hoping it wont fade away.

Or at least not too soon.